🔗 Share this article

The Prosecution: Beth

At times I'm recorded while having a meal. I’ll see myself on her Instagram – it feels like a jumpscare.

My best friend of 10 years, she, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a short while, but it weighs on our friendship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to record everything constantly. During meals out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which makes me cringe. It's unpleasant when strangers see her posing or filming – I experience vicarious awkwardness. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an influencer yet, but she is trying to be. She creates video blogs about city life, her daily routine, and her work as a stylist. Her content is good, credit where it's due, but I prefer not to be dragged into it. Sometimes she films me while I’m eating, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her feed afterwards, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I might be no makeup on, making a strange expression or photographed mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also expects me to film her at inopportune moments. Often I'm in conversation to someone else, or we’ll just be spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has turned into me being her unpaid videographer. She could easily employ someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my discomfort about this arrangement, she dismissed it. I've been invited to several brand events, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I spend assisting her make content.

I appreciate that Marielle has supported me with my design career, but I resist our friendship to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don’t feel she's insincere or dishonest, but at times I feel that if recording starts, we will begin acting in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and film me smiling with someone. It’s so silly. It's crucial her to understand that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I love being with her, but I also want to enjoy it without being filmed, edited, or shared for an viewers. I am not a accessory for her Instagram.

The Defence: Marielle

I hope Beth to see that the creations we make together can get us an opportunity.

I am passionate about creating videos. It’s not just a hobby; it’s part of who I am. Producing content and sharing my life online enables me to show my personality and connect with people in novel forms.

I don’t see myself as a full influencer yet, but it's savvy to generate income from your passions. I look up to people on TikTok who execute that style of informal, self-made content creation.

Creating content is my interpretation of engaging with life: noticing the details, sharing them with an audience that appreciates the art behind it. It's never my aim to make Beth uncomfortable. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my way of sharing opportunities, providing her a chance to witness behind-the-scenes moments that could help her professional path too. That isn't leverage, it's simply being pragmatic.

I’d still take her to such functions even if she didn’t help me, but I desire her to see what the work we make together can get us: an opening. I know not everyone enjoys being on camera, but often spontaneity is what makes material genuine. Being recorded occasionally is part and parcel of being my companion. I'd remove anything she asked, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don’t expect anyone to be my personal videographer, but companions support one another in small ways. My assumption was recording a clip now and then would be enjoyable for Beth. Creativity flourishes in collaboration, and having my friend around makes projects lively and enjoyable. I don't compel her to participate in anything, and I would never deliberately humiliate her. But creating content jointly occasionally is part of how I record our shared experiences.

I cherish Beth’s friendship profoundly and don’t want content creation to drive a wedge between us. I’m willing to find middle ground: like asking before recording, and avoiding shots that might make her uncomfortable.

This is not about control, it’s about expressing my perspective while still respecting hers. Obviously content creation is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it’s just part of how I experience life and I want her to be included in a way that’s agreeable for both of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop recording herself and Beth when they are socializing?

There’s nothing more uncomfortable than having a companion point a camera at you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s job, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to create content with. Given the dark, looming future of AI, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, it's unfair to expect your friends for help repeatedly, even if they have done it before. While she enjoys creating, that doesn't imply all those around her is content. She needs to respect her friend's personal space.
Ankit, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and showing off her life online, but it’s not for everyone. It’s nice she has helped Beth’s career, but she needs to listen to what Beth wants.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you care about each other, so hold on to that and ensure it’s the focus in your relationship. Foster some authentic memories, where true emotions are stored, not digital scrapbooks. In fact, celebrities who seem to share their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor authentic when she’s with Beth – she's on the job. Each appears confused as to where the line is. The solution is not found in trying to alter one another, but in each setting clear limits around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: is Marielle over-exposing their bond?